A Different Way of Thinking

First of all, I burned 300 calories at the gym today!!! That may not be a lot to some of you, but it's like a huge record-breaker for me. So I'm feeling pretty darn good and surprised that I'm still awake (and blogging) at midnight. But lately I've had a lot on my mind and I think I'll sleep better tonight if I just get some of it off my chest.

I've been doing a devotion everyday from a book called "Pure: A 90-day devotional for the mind, body and the spirit," by Rebecca St. James. This name may sound familiar- she is a very popular Christian musician. God knew what He was doing when He gave her the words to put into this book. Every time I read another devotion it just amazes me how I feel that this book was written for someone like me. Today's devotion was titled "A Different Way of Thinking" (hence the blog title). She talked about we can't "flirt" with the desires of this world AND be a friend of God's. It made me think of high school and how you were either in "this" group or "that" group...there was never an in between because that meant you couldn't be trusted. It hurts my heart to think that God couldn't trust me, ya know? But, like I said before, this devotion was focused on someone like myself.

Growing up in a small town I was your average "good-girl." Always made curfew, didn't drink, TRIED not to curse, felt like I was nice to everyone, had the boyfriend, the friends, a great family, etc. I was everything I WANTED to be and I didn't face issues of whether or not to drink, or do drugs, etc. because I never WANTED to do those things. It all changed when I went away to college. I felt that I was so desperate for people to accept me that I traded everything I loved about myself for everything I never thought I'd become. Needless to say, I totally dumped Jesus and everything that came along with him on the side of I-85 and I never looked back.

I give you this background story to help you understand why this devotion spoke to me. Ever since I moved back home, to my small, quiet town, I have felt like a "fence-sitter." I've got one leg on the good side and one leg on the bad side. The bible says: "If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God this way...." (James 4:4 The Message) How can I think I can play both sides and totally live a fulfilling life that way? It's true that every chance I get, I hurry to Charlotte and become a completely different person--a person consumed with what "the world" offers. As soon as I come home, I am someone else--trying to fill my life with God and not selfish desires. Case in point--I've got to cut this out! I am so thankful that I have a jealous heavenly Father who wants me all to himself! Isn't that what every girl dreams of? Someone who loves her unconditionally no matter what mistakes she's made, and who doesn't ever want to share her with others because he is so absolutely consumed with you?! I fear sharing this blog with people, such as my friends in Charlotte, because I'm afraid they won't understand...simply because I am someone entirely different there, than I am here. So, my prayer is this: "God, show me how to live a life that's more pleasing to you."

One more thing guys and I'm done for the night: I am starting a prayer journal, just where I write prayer requests down so I have them as a constant reminder to be in touch with God. If you have a prayer request, please let me know! I am the biggest believer in prayer...